As moms, it can feel like we are unpaid Uber drivers. From short trips across town for school pickups and drop offs, to longer rides for far flung travel sports, many parents are spending hours chauffeuring their kids. The carpool shifts can feel a little like wasted time, but seasoned moms have realized it’s the opposite, actually. Used well, car conversations can be a valuable window into what’s going on with your child in the moment, their worries and hopes for the future, and much more.
Here are 5 tips to make the most of the car conversations on the way to baseball practice or summer camp.
Let the Silence Get You Started
As a parent, it can feel enticing to fill the silence by pestering your child with questions, turning on the radio or a podcast, or letting them use their iPads. But if you lean into the silence for a few seconds or minutes, they may open up naturally (or with just gentle prompting). And if not? Sitting in silence together can actually be pretty nice, too.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Again, you don’t want to pester. But if you do want to ask something, avoid asking anything that can be answered with a “yes,” “no” or “fine” answer. Solid conversations starters include: What was something that made you laugh today? Who did you sit with at lunch? Did you do anything kind today or did anyone do something kind for you?
Ask Something They Won’t Expect
Random questions can catch them off guard – in a good way. Something as simple as “If you could only have one dinner for the rest of your life, what would you choose?” or as silly as “If you could have a playdate with one of the characters from [their favorite show, book or video game], who would you choose and why?” may just be the ticket to a chattier child.
Really Listen to What They’re Saying
Sometimes, your car conversations can be superficial – or even boring, if we’re being honest. Truly make yourself listen, without glancing at your phone or zoning out. When your child knows they have your full attention, consistently, that’s when you may get into deeper or more frequent chats.
Impart Wisdom While Having Fun
Car conversations shouldn’t be a lecture, but you can slip in some parenting nuggets, from the importance of never giving up to the many reasons to choose kindness. But balance those serious sayings with singing along to their favorite song on the radio, or playing I-Spy. After all, at their heart, great car conversations are about connection.